


Yandereguchi

by Hallowtine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Completed, Dehumanization, Don't know what I'm doing, Insanity, Multiple Endings, Other, Yandere, deep web, how do you write plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6909871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallowtine/pseuds/Hallowtine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Had an idea went for it. Yandere Yamaguchi, yandereguchi not much else to say.<br/>Because this is a long term FIC it will be archived here but I primaraly use my tumblr, if you'd like to talk to me about this fic or others you can find me at<br/>haikyuutscenarios.tumblr.com<br/>Thanks<br/>This series has been completed, there are three "endings"<br/>PLEASE ENJOY!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This feeling isn't wrong is it?

**Author's Note:**

> Note:  
> Yandere means:  
> Yan- (in the fucking pancreas *cough*) obsessive to the point of violence.  
> Dere - happy and loving.  
> So duh violence in this fic.  
> On another note the girls name and description ARE COMPLETLY RANDOM. Thank you.  
> ~ Alpaca-chan

This feeling is eating me alive. I want to label it jealousy but I know I'm not jealous. He would never fall for these girls. It still made my stomach do flips and my head hurt to see him talking to them. "Come on Yamaguchi." "Ah yea, Tsuki!" Some blond girl had just confessed to him, another one of them to get under my skin.

I can feel the agitation crawl under my skin watching them fly around with hearts in their eyes. What I wouldn't give to watch them suffer, Tsuki is much too good for them. They don't know him like I know him and they never will. I'm the only one allowed to know Tsuki like this.

"Yamaguchi you're quiet, why is that?" "Huh? I'm fine Tsuki, thank you for asking! What about you, I know those girls have been asking you out left and right." I heard him breath in and sigh. "It's annoying they try so hard after I've said no so many times." Ah yes, Tsuki doesn't like any of them, it soothes the strange feeling in my gut ever so slightly. "Do you like anyone at school Tsuki?" "Hah? What would you do with that information exactly?" I laugh nervously. "It would be nice to know just incase she ever asked me to give you a letter or anything." 

"That blond girl from earlier was kinda cute but other then that there isn't really anyone I have an interest in." The gross feeling in my gut came back ten fold but my body smiled without even thinking twice. "Ah I see, I forget her name but I'm sure I have a class with her." Tsuki sighed, which signaled he was getting bored of the conversation I continued following him until we had to part ways to go home.

Yukino Hanabi was her name if I recall. Yea, she wrote her name on the letter he handed to Tsuki. She was kinda short with blond hair and brown eyes. Someone you'd easily forget and I almost did until Tsuki mentioned thinking she's cute then every piece of information hit me like a wave. It felt like the feelings I have began eating me from the inside out. This is normal right? The feeling, this weird placement somewhere between adoration and jealousy mixed with a need to protect. Maybe it will go away when I wake up tomorrow... I mean this isn't the first time I've felt this way but it only seems to be with Tsuki or something he does or says...  
_____________________________  
The feeling was gone when I woke up. The morning was fine and I almost forgot about the girl as I walked to school with Tsuki. Well I probably would have forgot her if I didn't see her in class that day. She was giggling with friends about something and I know I shouldn't have but I peeked over her shoulder. She was writing a love letter, and I immidiatly saw the kanji for Tsuki's name at the bottom.

I couldn't focus on class, my eyes kept shooting to the blond girl. I wasn't just observing her, it felt like I was studying her. The slightest movements of her facial muscles or how each strand of hair fell. I was guaranteed that I wasn't enamored by her, I feel like resent suited much more to how I felt. She was a girl, and pretty at that. What if Tsuki asked her out.

An arrow of pain struck my chest and I felt like the air itself was poisoning me. That girl... making Tsuki happy... making Tsuki become her puppet. I refuse. I will not let her go near him... But how can I do anything to stop her...

End her

It hit like an arrow through my chest. The words cruel and unforgiving, the action a sin. Yet the thought should have sickened me. It didn't. What if I did? She would be gone... Tsuki would be okay. Tsuki would still have his attention on me and away from some 'cute' girl. What if... Could I? Maybe? The thoughts themselves didn't bother me, nor did the thoughts disgust or upset me. What made me unsure was if Tsukishima ever found out.

Plan it

Plan her end... But how exactly is the question, I'd need to know every detail of her every day. I'd need to know her inside out and the people around her as well. Follow her with my eyes first, find a pattern. Learn her life, adapt her penmanship. Her shoes, the roof, a push and a note. That's it. My lips curl unwillingly and I'm able to focus once more, the feeling in my stomach is there but it is no longer painful or annoying.

It's hungry.


	2. Soon enough she will be gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: death/murder

It's hungry, I don't know exactly what it is but I have a craving. It feel like it's wrong but it also feels so natural. "Hey Hanabi-chan, could I borrow your notes, I didn't write mine clearly..." I had approached her after class. I didn't really need her notes what I needed was her handwriting.

"Sure Yamaguchi-kun." She gave me a smile. Her smile seemed genuine and peaceful and yet... somehow... it angered me. Her smiling face made it feel like maggots were swirling under my skin and burrowing. It was a disgusting feeling to see her happy. What am I thinking... I barely know her, why do I want to do this. She handed me her notebook and I bowed as well as thanked her.

I prioritized finding out her habits and quirks. I had even avoided Tsuki during lunch. This was just too important, I had to do this. I was careful in my steps. A pen and binder in my hand, an image of the schools layout. I marked down her lunch spot and friends, of course this probably wasn't a solid foundation of her habits. I'd have to gather much more information on her. The growing feeling of hunger was becoming painful once again. I'm unsure what it wants from me but I know it has something to do with that... plan.

Ugh. What am I doing, this is wrong. Yet... It feels right, it feels natural. It feels like I have to do this, it feels like if I don't I'll be eaten from the inside out. I bite my lip as the bell rings. I watch which people walk her to her next class before heading to my own. I'm able to calm my heart down before class starts thankfully. After school I have practice. I won't be able to find follow her and find out the path she takes.

Do I even need to? Pushing her off the roof would suffice. It's quick and clean. I wouldn't need to get messy and it wouldn't look suspicious. I don't really need to go that far as to stalk her do I? Maybe not but isn't it best just to be safe... I do need to write the note after all.

"Tadashi, please read the next passage." I was jerked from my thoughts by the teacher. I, of course continue the lesson. 

The practice after school was good. I was able to spend time with Tsuki. I even enjoyed Hinata's company. Poor Hinata had gotton hit in the face by an angry Kageyama who barely set up his set. Tsukki made some comments about how ridiculous the two of them are and he chuckled. His laughter is so refreshing, it's like a rush of purity cleansing the sin.

"What were you up to today Yamaguchi?" Tsukki asked. We were currently walking home. I guess he was concerned I just kinda bailed during lunch to follow Hanabi around.

"I just wasn't feeling well is all, so I stayed in the nurses office." Tsukishima raised a brow at me and seemed to shrug it off. At least he isn't prying, I don't think I could bring myself to tell Tsuki the truth. Wait a minute... nurses office... that's it! The nurses office should have health logs and student information, I could get ahold of Hanabi's medical information. Maybe she has mental issues that could help me figure out how to make this whole thing more believable. Now... how would I get into the nurses computer.

"I hope you feel better tomorrow." I felt my face heat up. Tsuki has always been kind to me when no one else is around but even then him saying these things is unusual. It makes me feel happy, at peace... a feeling of being needed almost.

Tsukki and I eventually parted ways. I found my way to my own room and Immediately threw open Hanabi's notebook. Her kanji was smooth, kinda curvy. It was neat, the notes of someone who really planned something for their future. They probably planned their future being Kei's bride. The thought not only upset me but it enraged me. What scared me the most was the subconscious image of her having a mangled body on the courtyard floor. The gory image didn't scare me because of disgust. It scared me because it didn't disgust me. I felt... enjoyment... from the thought.

••••••••••••••••••

Sneaking into the nurses office wasn't hard to be honest. What surprised me is how quickly I gained the skill of picking locks. The nurses switch quite often so they are bound to have a sticky note with the password on it. Left hand side on the computer desk. It is the only one with a lock. I breathe in and focus on the sound of the clicks. A snaped bobby pin in hand and patience makes this situation quite easy.

I rummage through the now open drawer to find a sticky note with a number. I'm assuming it's the password to the computer so I try it. It worked- they should really increase security. I'm able to find Hanabi's file easily. Nothing really interesting on her file except for frequent panic attacks. Not very useful. However her home location and familial bonds are listed. I write them down in my notebook before closing out and logging off of the nurses computer. I shut the drawer next to me and scurry to the door. I made it out of there safe and sound.

"Hanabi-chan, here's your notes. Thank you for letting me borrow them." I bow and hand her the book. She sends a friendly smile that feels somehow threatening. I wave her off and head to my own class. I set a deadline. One week from now.

Then she will be gone.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

It wasn't hard. Mastering her style of penmanship, memorizing her habits. Each symbol on the thin sheet of paper I held. The work was amazing to say the least. I couldn't stop the smile on my face as I looked down on this paper. A sweet shiver found its way down my spine.

"Mom and Dad, I'm sorry...  
Eli and Rin I'm sorry...  
I just can't take this anymore. I don't see myself making it in this world. I can't see myself with a loving husband or smiling children. It seems so impossible to fallow through with my dreams. I'm sorry but... This is what I want."

I slide the paper into my bag gently as to not crease it. Today... Was the day the rotten fruit would be plucked. My palms are shaking. Not from stress or anxiety. Excitement. Enjoyment. Enthusiasm. Exhilaration... All the above.

The walk to school was filled with more enjoyment then usual. Tsukki was quiet as usual, but I could have sworn he was slightly smiling as well. He should be... I'm doing this for him. It's always for him. My heart was a flutter thinking this way. Maybe I'm just trying to conceal how sick I am... either way... I just want to do this for Tsukki an myself.

It was sometime after school, the grounds were clear and ready for the show. I walked towards Hanabi and her friends, a soft call to speak with her.

"What is it Tadashi?" Her words seemed innocent. But I knew her true intentions. If she got Tsukki he'd be taken away from me. She'd demonize me.

"Hanabi-chan... Well... Tsukki asked me to come and tell you he wants to see you on the roof as soon as you can. That spot in the back of the roof where that bench is." Her face lit up when I weaved this lie. Her eyes shined... it disgusted me. I wanted to smack that smile from her face. Patience... soon enough she will be gone.

She ran up the stairs with her bag. She was much too enthralled to pay mind to my soft footsteps behind her. The doors were swung open as she eventually reached the railing of the spot I had told her. My own pace picked up to a speed walk, a sick and twisted smile on my face. Her bag slid off her arm and sat near the railing as she peered over it. I came close and stepped on the back of her shoes so her feet would push out.

"Huh?" Was the only thing she could at before I pushed her body against the railing, dived my hands down to her calves and lifted them up and over. She wasn't prepared. Oh no, she wasn't ready. Her hand couldn't grip the railing. She was falling... She was leaving. Her eyes met with my own. she was speechless so to speak as she fell to her death. I had to finish up quick before someone comes by, maybe they saw her body start falling.

I pulled the paper from my bag and placed it under her shoes. I looked left and right. The sound of her hitting the floor finally echoed. The crunch and liquid noises. I shivered. My face hurt- I was involuntarily smiling. I felt disgusting, horrible, I felt like a monster. Yet I was ok with that. I felt at peace with it. I managed to run away from the scene and make my way to the gym a bit later then usual.

"Where were you Yamaguchi?" Tall and stoic. Tsukishima was concerned. There was no need to be, I did it Tsukki. I did it... A wide smile set in on my cheeks.

"I had to get notes from a classmate."


	3. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi being cute and horrifing. Build up mostly. Just wanted to write some stuff.

Things were quiet. I felt better without that girl around. There were flowers on her desk for awhile. It eventually died down and people forgot about her. I did too. Tsukki seemed to not care even. It was fine for a while. Until the feeling of 'huger' returned. It was stronger then before. Valentine's Day was around the corner. There are plenty of girls who would give Tsukki chocolates.

Is it odd... that I wish I could give Kei some. What would he say if I did? I shook my head. There's no way he'd feel comfortable around me if I were to do that. What if I made him sweets and gave them to him in secret? I don't expect anything back of course I just... Urgh! I slap both my cheeks with my hands in frustration. I can't even figure my own feelings out and it's driving me insane.

"What was that about?" Ah! Tsukki came by.

"Ah? I'm just stressed is all Tsukki. Don't worry about me." I gave him a sheepish smile as he took a seat next to me. It was lunch break so of course we'd spend time together. It was much too cold outside to eat out there so we switch between each others classrooms for lunch.

"What has you stressed?" Gah... I just said don't worry about me.

"V-Valentines... Day... I know it's lame huh?" Tsukki chuckled a bit. Here comes his famous 'how lame'.

"For once you're worried about it. Last year you completely ignored it. Ah... Someone you're interested in Tadashi? Normally you are too worried trying to make friends to even consider anyone more then such." Blunt as usual I see. I manage a gentle smile because... he wasn't exactly wrong per say. He brought the sushi to his lips. The girls aren't lying when they say he's attractive.

His lips were a light pink, it looked like he used Chapstick pretty often. He was tall, which is always a bonus for a guy. His eyes always seemed to hold power even when he pulled his nonchalant act. His skin looked soft, touchable... kissable.

"Tadashi?" I choked on air and began patting at my chest. "OI OI are you ok?"

"Yea- yea... I'm okay Tsukki I was just... Lost in thought." Oh boy... Here we go.  
••••••••••••••••••

"Yamaguchi-kun." I was called out to by a girl I hadn't seen before. School had just ended but there wasn't any practice so I should be fine to speak to her. She came close to me and Tsukki, her eyes shifting between us both.

"Uhm- Yamaguchi-kun could I talk to you in private." I was caught off guard by her words. Tsukki had a sly smile as he pulled his headphones back onto his head.

"I'll wait at the gates Tadashi." I nod and hold my hands together. The girl looks up at me, she seems hopeful. For what?

"I have a confession Yamaguchi-kun." Oh no. What am I supposed to say. How do I respond to a confession? Saying I'm not attracted to her probably won't go over well...

"I know that you don't really know who I am but..." Her hand moves some hair from her face. I feel so... Awkward about this, I don't want to hurt her.

"I was wondering if you knew how Tsukishima-kun felt about me, I really like him you see..." Her face flushed and she bites her lip. Some would say it was more so adoration she felt for him.

"Ah... I see... Well I could help you with that." I'm panicking. What am I doing. Tadashi what are you thinking, these thoughts. It's red, it hurts.

"How about you stop by my house tomarrow, I can help you plan out how to tell him." My lips tugged upwards. My eyes felt lazy, lightly lidded. My neck lightly nodded off to the side.

"Oh? N-no you don't have to help me with that kind of stuff. I'm sorry I shouldn't have even asked something like that." Fuck, she's slipping away. What? No? I don't... But I do? What's going on... It hurts.

"I'm kind of used to it, Tsukki is a cool guy I can understand why you like him... Ah... He's waiting for me so if you have a pen I can write my address down." She shyly hands her pen towards me. I in turn grab her hand with a gentle touch. The pen glides smoothly on the palm of her hand. Her skin is pretty... I bet it would be even smoother being pulled from the muscle under it. I smile widely. Quick cover it up Tadashi!

"There you go, uhm... Sorry but what is your name?"

"Suzuki Yuno." She bows and slowly backs away and whispers a thank you to me before leaving. Suzuki Yono.... Is best if it's erased from the page.


	4. It's not that bad...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi has been exploring the deep web. A friend may be willing to help him.  
> Basically I wanted to self indulge in Yamaguchi loosing his humanity bit by bit.  
> Trigger Warnings: Deep Web and mentions of gore.

I was panicking. What was I going to do. I asked her to come over on impulse tomorrow. The tugging feeling and graphic thoughts plagued me as I spoke to her. What am I gunna do...

"Yamaguchi are you sure your ok? You've been weird lately." No, no Tsuki. Oh god I wish I could talk to him about this. But I can't... I'm going to explode if I keep it to myself.

"I'm fine Tsuki, I think I may just be getting sick." He raised his eyebrow and shrugged my answer off.

"Take care of yourself." My heart seemed to beat a little faster. I gave a smile and nodded. It was finally time to part ways. Tsuki left for his home and I was left alone... With these thoughts. I began to panic, my skin feeling impure- like it needed to be rubbed off. I needed to get home quickly.

Since the incident with Hanabi I've been getting odd cravings for... Violence. I don't really know how to explain it. It's unsettling but some how looking at these 'bad things' calmed me down. I rushed the rest of my way home, I was impatient to calm down. I left my shoes in the doorway and bolted for my room. Dropping my bag to the floor and almost jumping into my computer chair. I typed my password and went immediately to... My anonymous web browser.

I-it's not as bad as it sounds I swear! I just... I don't want to get in trouble. I know the things I've done and will do are bad but it feels so normal. I hit keys on the link bar, I've memorized this dark web link. Gore of all kinds were here... Ugh... I'm disgusted with myself... The first tab links are open. Chat, picture, video and... Live stream. I have yet to even click on video or live stream. Of course I'm curious, and maybe those things would calm me down more then just looking at still frames. I was afraid that if I clicked on those things I'd loose my humanity. Ah... A notification.

Pudding: your web came is plugged in. You might not wanna do that, I was able to find your IP quickly Yamaguchi.

I was so impatient I forgot something as vital as that. Fuck oh no. I pulled the plug out as quickly as I could. Thankfully this user that messaged me... I consider them a friend. Not in the traditional sense though. We found common ground with our anxieties. I found them the first time I discovered this site. They had alerted me my ip block wasn't completely censored and they were able to figure out who I was.

Im extremely grateful they were kind enough to help me complete the ip censoring. They told me that they were only kind because 'we've met before'. They haven't told me their name though... I don't blame them... They were cautious and aware of what goes on here. He is one of the admins after all. I decided to reply. He was always quick to reply back.

Starchild: Thank you.  
Pudding: Don't worry about it.  
Pudding: You haven't been on for a few days. If I'm being honest I thought someone got ahold of you.  
Starchild. Eheh... Yea I just  
Starchild: Want to hold on to my normalcy.  
Pudding: Oh? Im curious as to why. You still haven't told me what got you into these dark places.

Ah... That's right. They had told me about how they ended up using this dark browser. A friend of theirs showed them that you can get illegal substances here. They got curious as to what the dark webs limits were. Only to find there were no limits. How did I find this outlet? Research mainly... And a desire to find the same calming rush I got when I did that... Thing... To Hanabi. The person behind the screen name Pudding has been talking to me for quiet some time now... I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least tell them. I mean... He was just as bad for being on this site, right?

Pudding: Did you die on your keyboard.  
Starchild: Ah. No I was just lost in thought.  
Starchild: About how I got onto the deep web.  
Pudding: You aren't the type to be interested in drugs and I doubt you have the money to hire a hitman. I'm assuming you are your own hitman.  
Starchild: ...  
Pudding: Even without seeing your face you're not hard to read... For me at least.  
Pudding: I won't ask why and honestly I don't care. However if you intend to take it further I'd like you to contact me.  
Pudding: There is a lot of money in this kind of business.

Well... They aren't wrong. It hit me then. They could help me figure out what to do with Suzuki coming tomorrow. Maybe just maybe this person can help.

Starchild: Well... I do have plans but...  
Pudding: You got your first taste and don't know how to quench the hunger for more.  
Pudding: When do you plan to preform once again. I can provide supplies and help with the clean up. In return you help me turn it into a film. We won't split the money fifty/fifty since the supplies are hard to get but you'll get a fraction back.  
Pudding: Once you say yes there is no going back.

He would... Supply me? That's... That's amazing actually. But does he mean make one of the videos or live streams to this girl?

Starchild: I dunno if I should go through with hurting her though.  
Pudding: Well if she's made you even consider it she's done something you didn't like. Something that made you boil over.  
Pudding: Think about the emotion that made you want to hurt her in the first place. If the hunger is still there then do what you want.

I... Well... They are right. Think about how they made me feel. Think about what made me want to kill them. Think about what they did that makes me want to hurt them. The pit in my stomach came back full force and my jaw clenched.

Starchild: I know you have my IP. Stop by early with preparation supplies. She'll be here.

They had a point... They are trying to take Tsuki from me. I won't let that happen.

Pudding: I'll be there.


	5. Pudding.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi Pudding. Raise your hand if you were surprized. Just more build up I guess. CALM YOURSELF IM EXCITED FOR THE ACTUAL YANDERE PARTS TOO.

Meeting face to face was different than chatting online. I... Was surprised to be honest. Pudding was none other then Kozume Kenma. What are the chances of that? He didn't strike me as the kind to dabble in darker things but here he was. Sitting in the chair that Pudding said he would, at the exact time and place.

"Is it alright for me to call you Tadashi?" Kenma's hair was in his face as he let a smile show. We had met up at a local coffee shop near my house. He had a backpack on and I'm assuming that's where he is keeping the supplies.

"Ah... I don't mind... Kenma-kun." I was nervous. Who wouldn't be? I've basically met up with someone to kill a girl. This... Was wrong. I should back out but I just... Can't.

"You don't have to use honorifics. I don't like them." Ah... Alright then. "So Tadashi... Do you have a place set in mind?" His eyes darted across the place. He was looking to make sure no one was listing in. Not that we were being specific with our words.

"The only place I can think of is my room..." My fingers nervously trace along the edge of the table.

"Linoleum tile? Wood? Carpet? Either way I doubt it's empty. Do you have a basement?" Kenma stirred his drink with the straw. He looked completely neutral. It's almost like he's done this before.

"N-no... Ah but I do have another place in mind though it's hard to explain. I'll have to show you." Kenma raised a brow and drank some of his coffee. He was thinking.

"Alright. Show me." I nod as he gets up and throws his drink away. The walk doesn't take too long. I told Suzuki to be at my house around nine Alcock. My father isn't around and my mother works the night shift so it was the best time for her. Kenma came down around four in the afternoon so we had a good five hours to get everything set up.

"It's behind here." We were in my room at this time. I opened my closet door and I dropped to the floor. I kneaded my hands around the floor to find the lift up point. There was a 'basement' but not in the traditional sense. My family didn't know about it and it was only in my room. When I found it I didn't tell my mother because I didn't see a point in it.

"This is better then an actual basement." Kenma was the first to walk down the steps. He pressed his palm against the wall of the makeshift basement. Then the floor. "It looks easy to clean and hard to stain. The walls are thick so it muffles most noises. Is there a light?" I turned quickly to look for it against the stairway. It came on and light bounced around the grey room.

"It's... A bit small I know." My voice cracked. I was nervous. I only became more so the longer Kenma stayed quiet.

"It's perfect actually. I'm glad I came early. We need some stuff- a chair, a few desks, tarp... Basic room building for what we're going to do." He turned to me and gave a smile. "I brought cash no need to worry." He walked back up the stairs and after turning off the lights I followed suit.

We returned about an hour later. My mom was gone thankfully so we could move the furniture down. A classic wooden chair. We had put some tape and other such things off to the side. We finished both desks. One was waist high and Kenma put a giant blue... Thing on the table. After the other one was set up he trailed back to my room and brought the webcam down. He pulled out a laptop from his backpack as well as a lot of wires. I... Let him do whatever the hell he was doing.

"Kenma... What is this?" I fiddled around with the blue ball and in unrolled.

"Feel free to look at it, just don't touch the tools yet." I nodded and unfolded the large thing. It looked like torture tools. Some had dried blood on them. I shivered at the thought. "I've never used them myself. I always had someone else do the dirty work. Which is what you'll be doing Tadashi." The flash of Suzuki on the chair and writhing... Sent shivers down my spine. Is it odd if I say it felt nice?... Probably.

"Tadashi can you take the big container from the backpack and bring it to me." I nod and look in. Sure enough there was a container in their. Blue with a white lid. I did as told. "You look curious. It's chloroform." I swallowed down. How did he get his hands on all these things. I mean I know he's smart but he must have contacts with a lot of people. He's an admin for a red room, he had stained torture tools, chloroform and who knows what else. From my experience he seems to be highly tech savvy, he was able to track my ip after all. Scary...

"Hey Kenma... Does anyone else know that you do this kind of stuff." I figured I'd make small talk. He was close friends with Hinata but I barely knew him. If we were going to go through with this it would probably be better to build trust.

"... Besides the people in the room? No... Kuro has no idea and probably doesn't even know what the deep web is. I plan to keep it that way." He was working around the laptop, plugging things in and typing key words here and there. "I want to say I don't think Hinata is into this but you never know. After all look at us." His eyes looked me over, I only felt slightly intimidated. He was right though, you never know.


	6. Mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: DETAILED GORE.
> 
> Well not all that bad just slightly unsettling. the girl is brought to the make shift basement, yandere ensues.

"Ah come on in Suzuku-chan." I held open the door for her to come in. She was dressed casually. A long sleeve shirt and shorts. A bag in her hand.

"Thank you so much for your help Yamaguchi-kun." She gave a bashful smile. Taking off her flats to be polite. "You have no idea how helpful this is... So... What was your plan?"

"Ah, my rooms up there." I pointed up my stairs and she nods. Hands on the rails. "S-so what I was planning was something small and simple. Tsukki thinks it's lame to make a big deal out of things so try not to get embarrassed when you ask him." She reaches for my door. She's being slow. Her position had her right hand opening the door. Her muscles weren't tense. Her apperence were soft. She was completely unaware. Completely helpless. She has no idea who was behind the door. The door pushed open lightly, I walked faster.

I was right behind her. My left hand grabbed her left wrist, my right grabbed her by the fold of her right elbow. I bent my knees into that dent behind her knees. We both fell to the ground, this was when Kenma pounced. I had the hard part done, holding her here so she couldn't move. Kenma pushed cloth into her face. He pushed both his hands on her face. He didn't blink, his face stayed emotionless as his eyes bore into her. She tried to flail. I'm grateful to my club practice for making me stronger. Her flailing eventually calmed. Her body slowly going limp. Kenma finally blinked as he looked up to meet my eyes.

"Carry her to the chair." Kenma pulled the cloth from her face and he went down the stairs first. I carried her down to the chair. "Her shirt needs to come off." I shivered just a bit.

"I... I don't think..." I mean yea I wanted her gone but... I wouldn't... Do...

"For the tape on her wrists Tadashi." His voice was clear. He was looking through his bag. I'm glad he didn't intend the thing I though originally. Then again it's Kenma... Who doesn't look interested in much.

"Oh... Okay then." I still felt uncomfortable but it made sense. It felt so odd moving around a limp body. Her face looked so... Ugh... I dunno the word for it. Her neck... It's so exposed.

"Tadahi." I jumped. My hands were around her neck. Kenma shouted at me. My head spun to him. He held out some goggles and a medical mask. "When she gets up we will start the stream. Hide your face. I have some hoods to hide our hair." Ah... He's so smart.

"Thank you Kenma." I took them. He went around the room to check the sound proofing... Things... He had put everywhere. He shut the entrance to this area. He tossed the hood to me. I put my hair back in an odd short ponytail, clips to pin my hair back and I slipped the hood on. It looked like it was just cut from a really big hoodie. Kenma seems to have done the same. Goggles and a medical mask. He handed me gloves, I obliged and put them on. He did the same.

"Go ahead and pick out the tools." My hands shook at Kenma's words. Was I really going to do this? Huh... I'm nervous and shaking. "Oh by the way Tadashi, the mask I gave you has a voice alter on it just incase the microphone picks up your voice. Mine has the same. On that note don't call me by my name, instead my screen name." I nod and he nods back. "Going online in... Three... Two... One..."

He pressed a key on his laptop and the screen flickered a bit. "People will start to trickle in, gag her so she doesn't say your name." I jump and do as I'm told. Kenma walks over to me, and begins to look through some of the tools. "You seem shaken. You weren't like this when manhandling her."

"Ah, sorry I just... I've killed... Not tortured." He turns his head to me. He puts a hand on my shoulder.

"What made you want to hurt her. Grasp that feeling." He... He was right. The thought of her in Tsukki's arms and... Leaving me. My jaw clenches. I felt like Kenma gave me a smile. "Ah, two people in chat already, lets look and see what they want Starchild." Ah... Screen names. That's right. "The guests seem to want her awake... Starchild?" I shuffled over to her, on one of its sides so the web cam could still see her. I pat at her cheeks, nervous over the situation. I can feel Kenma's eyes on me. I clench my hand and de-clench.

A hard backhand and her body twitched. A bright red outline of my knuckles on her cheek. It looked like it was meant to adorn her face. Her head was groggy. Her eyes fluttering as she began to wake up.

"Someone said... Hit her again Starchild, it'll get her up faster." Kenma was sitting by the lap top. Administering the chat. I swallow down the lump in my throat. I moved her by the chin and smacked her again. The sound sent electricity down my spine. She winced, noises coming from her. Her eyes were blinking rapidly. Her vision was probably blurry.

I just realized... I was smiling. I shuttered. My stomach filled with butterflies as she looked up to me. Some tears in her eyes. She was confused. She was hurt. She was begging to be spared. There's no need to be concerned, you know what you did and now you suffer. My spine tingled and my body shook, my neck twitched and there was an audible pop. My body was on fire.

"Another guest said... Good morning beautiful." Kenma read off another comment. And turned to face me.

"Can... Can I start the fun?" My arms dropped to my sides, voice shaking with excitement. Oh yea... Hurting her. She tried to rip my life from me. So I have every right to watch hers rip from her. Kenma didn't even need to respond when I walked over to the table. My hand hovering over the metal pieces. Start off slow. Relish in the realization. Give her time to think. I grab the pliers. My hands fit perfectly into its grip. My body tingled as I walked towards her. 

My pace was slow as I approached her. Her eyes seemed to have cleared up as they blew wide. Her eyes trailed up my hand, I could see the fear in her eyes. It was... Amazing. I grab her hand with my free one, set the pliers near her fingers. I froze, I was unsure what to do. A spark of desire was lit as I looked into her eyes. She seemed to be screaming for help with her eyes. It looked like she knew it was me, she was calling out for Tsukki.

The crunch was... Nothing at all like I expected. It didn't all come out at once. It took a few tugs for the muscle to tear. A few more for the bone to stare dislodging. The sounds. Oh god the sounds. It's indescribable, the way skin tears and muscle rips. The sound of bones moving together and apart. It sent shivers down my spine. Yes... Tsukki wouldn't save her. He didn't care for her, he didn't need her. She'd be forgotten just like the first one. Oh... The finger is completely dislodged now... The blunt of her tip was smashed against the pliers. I turned to Kenma who just sat on the other chair.

"Place it on the desk near the cam. We can sell her parts." Kenma was quick to guide me through this. I glanced at the chat.

⁃ did you hear starchild laughing  
• I would be too that looks so amazing  
⁃ I want more honestly, one finger isn't enough  
• I want the finger

There was more as the chat continued... They... Enjoyed it. They all received thrills from this. They are all like me. They want me to do more, I can do more. I can do this for you Tsukki. I can... I can hurt her and make her regret choosing to feel for Tsukki. My Tsukki. I drop the pliers next to the removed finer. Back to the tools to grab at a knife. It was small but sharp. Rigged ends for cutting thick meat. She was squirming and crying, blood dripping from where her finger once was.

"Pudding... You should bring the camera over for the best shots." My voice felt different. I can't explain it well. My voice felt powerful and commanding. I don't feel like myself. I felt more improved. More in charge. Kenma didn't talk back as he grabbed it and brought it close to me and the girl. Once he was close I poked her cheek with the tip of the blade. She tried to turn her head away, only making it easy to cut her cheek. Her skin was so thin. It probably bruised easily.

I stab the knife into her shoulder. She's bawling, her eyes are red and her throat looks dry. No ones going to save her. This is punishment. This is... Repent. I slowly pull the knife up and out of her skin. I pull the sleeve of this sweater up and stretch the glove up my wrist. I push my fingers into her shoulder. She squirms and tries screaming even though she's gagged. It's an odd feeling, someone's insides. It's... Squishy. Kind of like uncooked chicken that hasn't been drained of all its blood. But it's red... Like pork.

I pull at the fragile skin and expose more of her flesh. The knife in my other hand, I push it into the exposed muscle. It's like gutting a turkey really. I never realized how frail humans could be. "She lost conciseness." Kenma was quiet but I heard him. I walked around the table looking for the medical supplies we decided to place here. Peroxide would wake her up. I popped the cap off and walked back. I took in a breath and poured it into her wound. It didn't take long for her body to convulse as her body woke up in a panic. The nerves that littered the fat under her flesh of the wound. It twitched twitched and contracted. My body was vibrating with excitement. Neither me or Kenma wanted to check the chat. We had a limited time with such a small girl loosing so much blood.

Her body spasmed and twitched as I lightly cut into the skin of her bicep. Kenma was getting every angle he could without disturbing me. I don't know what exactly was happening but I enjoyed every minute of it. Watching her twitch, the blood shooting up now and again, the way she tried so hard to escape while bound. My favorite part was her eyes. Fuck I love the eyes. She wanted her white knight to come save her, she wanted Tsukki to come in and rescue her... That would never happen. Not ever. He's mine. Mine. Mine. Mine... Mine...


	7. Curved lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been active at all. Creativity is at 0% and it took a week to even write this. Anyways a warning of gore detail once more.

My eyes fluttered open again. My ears buzzing. The tips of fingers tingled. There was a dried rust tinge on my wrists. Brighter red on my palm and finger tips. I was sitting on the floor against the wall. My vision started to focus.

The image in front of me was disgusting. Although so grotesque it was beautiful to me. Her body splayed out. The flesh connecting her arm to her collar was split open. Flesh exposed and so fresh. Blood staining the skin where the wound is. She had long streaks from the knife I used on her other bicep. Long open wounds on her thighs. Skin completely tearing from her legs. The muscle pulling away from her bone. Yes. Bone. Exposed white bone. It wasn't drastically exposed but still obvious. Her finger nails were off her fingers. The skin on her palms and fingertips removed. Patches of hair pulled out of her head. Her stomach was cut open. Organs squished around in her exposed body.

A water bottle quickly came into view. "You blanked out for a while there. The session has ended. You made us a lot of cash actually. Now this is just a mess we have have to deal with." Kenna's voice was too soft for what he was looking at. His eyes looked bored as he stared at the mangled body. "We should dispose of it as soon as possible Tadashi."

"Ah..." My voice was near silent as I stared at my work. "H-how?" I looked up and shakily took the water bottle.

"Those containers we bought can resist the effects of acid. We melt her body and the evidence. I then take the acid to some people I know and pay for them to be completely cleaned." Kenma said it all under his breath. I nodded and took small sips of the water. It was easy to understand and he knew what to do so I put my trust in him.

The process was shorter then I thought. Putting the body parts into the containers and watching the body bubble and boil over. It was fun to watch though vulgar. The hair and pores disappeared without a trace. The containers filling with a reddish color as the parts melted. Her clothes and the tarp were next. Kenma helped seal up the containers. The clean up was rather fast.

"I'll... Talk to some people. They'll show up tomorrow. I'll leave the funds I was to pay them here. They'll remove it all and I'll keep in touch with you."

"Thank you..."

"It's no problem." He gave a small smile. "If you have more plans if be happy to help out. The sever really likes you." My face flushed and i bashful lay rubbed the back of my neck.

We left the make shift basement and locked it up. Kenma waved me off and headed to the buses to go home. So... Some people are expected to come tomorrow. I don't think it'll be much of a problem. Her remains will be removed. I'd have made money and eliminated a woman who desired Kei's attention. A smile fell apron my lips. Curved like the horns you'd see on the devil himself. Mine.


	8. It's around the corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap guys I'm so sorry I haven't updated in like a month I am so sorry. Seriously I've just been busy with family and my Korean studies please forgive me. One day I will finish this lmao.
> 
> Anyways: romantic progress !!

The men had come and gone. When my mother wasn't around, of course. They took care of things with no questions asked. Finally the time came to go to school, it was refreshing to see Tsukishima at the front gate of school. Headphones adoring his calm features. He looked well rested. I'm so... Happy to see him.

"Tsukki!" I called and waved to him. His eyes peered up and over his glasses. No one could really see it but Tsukishima had small blush. It was adorable. Only I could ever see this from him. "Sorry I didn't text much the other day. I was busy."

"I know. It's fine." He moved his headphones down from his head. They hung around his neck as he headed inside, I followed behind like a puppy. Asking Tsukki how his weekend was, and how he was feeling. He responded as he always had either with snarky comments or short sentences. His voice was so calming I could almost forget what I had done.

"Ah, Tsukki... have you been going out at all lately?" The beautiful blond raised his eyebrow in my direction as he changed into his indoor shoes. "You look paler than usual is all. I don't want you getting sick..."

"Ah... no I stayed in all weekend studying for the test today." The corners of his mouth tilted only slightly. My smile blew wide in response.

"You'll do fine Tsukki! You always do because you're so great." Ah... yea he is really great...  
__________________________________  
He ended up getting a perfect score. He of course blew it off making it seem as if the test was easy but I'm the only one who knew how hard he prepared for the test. Tsukki was really something.

Ah that's right... it's been a week since the missing persons posters for Suzuki started popping up. Almost been two weeks since she died. Ah, but shh no one needs to know that. No one has been asking to meet with Tsukki this Valentine's Day yet... it's only two days away now... maybe I should... no don't... he won't like that. I really want to ask him- no damnit Tadashi you'll ruin your friendship with him!

Wait... what am I thinking... asking him out to spend Valentine's Day together... as if we are a couple? As if we even have a chance to be lovers... no I should just be happy seeing him succeed by my side as a friend but... I think I want more from him.

"Sorry, I have plans on Valentine's Day." I was pulled from my thoughts to hear Tsukishima's voice. He was looking up at another girl who looked like she was from our class. She bowed and said that it was okay before walking back to her seat. Back to the point...

"You have Valentine plans?" I tried to keep my surprised voice back but I felt it crack a little. How embarrassing. I felt like I was going to cry... I tried so hard to make sure no one would take Tsukki-

"Besides hanging out with you? No." He gave me a soft smile and I felt my heart jump. He couldn't possibly? No?

"A-ah... o-okay Tsukki." Oh god I was probably blushing. I want to curl up into a ball... my heart is beating so fast.

"You... aren't spending it with a girl are you? It's okay if you are-"

"N-No!" Oops I sounded too loud and desperate. "I-I mean... no... I don't have any plans with anyone else." Don't cry Tadashi it's... he's just asking to hang out its not like it means anything. "We can... meet at my house and watch that new dvd, you said you wanted to see it right?"

"Yea... I did." He sounded so... relieved I think. This couldn't be happening. My heart is beating so fast. Tsukki wants to spend Valentine's Day with me...

A-as a friend of course.


	9. Valentines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wellllllllll I felt fluffy lol  
> When I re read this it felt fast paced but not in a bad way, I have some motivation so there should be another chapter on the way!

Clean, clean, clean, clean the house for tonight. Humming as I cleaned my room, the living room, the kitchen and so on. I was humming song after song as I cleaned, unsure why I was so happy just to watch a movie with him. My cheeks flushed and I froze while cleaning the dishes from earlier that day. I... really have fallen for Kei haven't I? I began giggling lightly and my lips quiver, it feels so blissful to come to complete understanding of my feelings. I love him, I always have but I have to keep quiet with how I feel or else Kei may try to leave... but I can't just let these girls try to take him. No! Tadashi don't let what you did bother you, it was all for him.

"Aw, My Tadashi looks so lovestruck!" Ah! Mom...

"K-kasan... I'm not, it's not..." she giggles and pinches my cheek. She's not wrong but she'd be so disappointed to know I have feelings for Tsukki.

"Who's the lucky lady~ c'mon my little yamacutie what's her name?" My mom giggles and squeals. She's in her work clothes and ready to leave. Tsukki would arrive in about an hour... I haven't told mom that I'm spending Valentine's Day with Tsukki. I mean I would because he's almost always over but it feels different today.

"Ah- shouldn't you be on your way to work." She huffed and puffed and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"You'd make such a good housewife Tadashi, I'll see you tomorrow morning." Housewife? I... I don't know if she was joking or not. I don't like the idea of being a house wife but if I were a 'wife' to Tsukki... I think I'd like it.

Ah! Food! I have no idea what to make for when he comes over. There's no ingredients for strawberry short cakes or anything, GAH. I reach for my phone to text Kei, maybe this can be salvaged.  
_______________________________  
[To: Tsukki]  
< Ah, Tsukki, I Uhm well there's no food here so I uh... was wondering if before you come over to hang out and watch a movie we meet somewhere to eat

[To: Tsukki]  
< I'll pay! It's my fault for not remembering to buy groceries yesterday I'm sorry

[From: Tsukki]  
< Yamaguchi.

[From: Tsukki]  
< You're fine stop panicking and breath. I'll meet you at that bakery down the street from your house. 

[From: Tsukki]  
< My treat since you're always taking care of me.  
______________________________

Ah... I feel... relief. He's not mad with me. I don't know what I would do if he was. I hum to myself and head back up to my room. I have to get dressed and make myself perfect. Ah what to wear, a cute pale red sweater and some dark black denim jeans. The sweaters big on me, it keeps falling off my shoulder but it makes me feel tiny and cute. It'll do!

I pause by the mirror...

My hand instinctively raised over my freckles. An idea hit me and I rushed to my moms bedroom. On her vanity she left the makeup she used for today. She has the same complexion as me but she has less freckles. I breath in and pat my face down. It didn't feel heavy or look off. Hm... I wonder... I've put on eyeliner before but never wore it out- just a little wouldn't hurt.

I feel... cute.  
_____________________________________

"Tsukki." I called out to him from a ways a way. He looked nice. A white button up shirt with a black vest over it. Plain jeans and his glasses as usual. Some girls would steal glances as I approached him. He waved back at me as I walked closer to him, he opened the door to the sweets shop and let me in first.

"It's colder out than I thought. I should have brought a sweater." I turned my face to look at him as he followed me in. His nose was a light pink from the cold along with his ears. It looked like his hair could have frost on the tips yet he managed to look so ethereal. I gave a smile and walked ahead to ask for some shortcakes and soft bread alongside hot cocoa. Tsukishima took a seat in the back near a window and waited for me to come back.

"The treats will be done soon Tsukki, gosh I'm starving-" I was taken aback when I felt Tsukkis hand on my cheek. He moved his hand away and rubbed his fingers together.

"I never understood why you dislike your freckles." He sighs and moves his hand back to the table. I shuffle into the opposite side and my eyes seem to gaze everywhere but at him. "I honestly think your freckles are part of what makes you alluring."

"A-a-ah I t-think th-that was our order!" I panicked after hearing him compliment me but luckily they did finish our sweets. We probably shouldn't be eating these for dinner but... they are Tsukki's favorite. I grabbed the bag of sweets and thanked the woman working the counter. Tsukki was waiting near the door, ready to take our food back to my house.

"I'll hold the bag Tadashi." he held out his hand and I handed the brown bag over to him. My hands were shaking slightly. I was nervous but happy. He held the door open for me and let me go out first. I hope this isn't some fever dream... it feels like a date.

It didn't take long to reach home once again. We took our sweets and food to the kotatsu. The movie was in and we were sipping on the hot chocolate. It was nice. I was cold but I wasn't 'cold'. Tsukki was next to me and I felt content. If I was a cat I would be purring right now. Everything felt so perfect, so right.

"Yamaguchi." I heard Tsukki call for me. I swallowed the cocoa I had in my mouth and turned to face him. I froze when I saw his face... it was so close- too close- "I have something I wanna ask you."

W h a t.


	10. Even from himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please be patient with me I wrote the first chapter thinking "yea this'll be great and simple to write" WRONG  
> I have no plot and direction be patient with m e  
> ALSO keep in mind I have no beta readers + dislexia so i apologize if there are grammar mistakes and errors

W h a t...

I can't recall what or why I did what I did but I panicked. I completely panicked. My eyes went wide and my hands shook. Panic settling in with flashbacks of pushing that girl off the roof and doing those things to the other. A scenario played quickly in my head as time in reality felt like it was going in slow motion. The thought that Tsukki was about to ask me why I haven't turned myself in.

Or worse, he would ask why I'm a freak. Ask why he should even bother with me. I feared he would ask me to break all contact with him. It scared me. It hurt me. The thought of him knowing what I've done and using it as a way to finally get rid of me... the thought of him disowning my existence.

I dropped my drink due to shaky hands. It wasn't as warm as it was earlier. It had fallen onto Tsukki's lap mostly but some on myself. I started to hyperventilate, my chest and lungs closing in. My head felt heavy and the world was spinning around me. I was afraid, more afraid than when I was beaten down an ally for trying to stand up to my bullies. More afraid then when my father first hurt mom... I was so terrified of loosing Kei.

My torso shook. Kei had pulled himself and I put of the kotatsu. He pulled me closer to the couch. I couldn't hear what he was saying, it was all fuzzy and light. His hands were on my shoulders while he called out something that sounded like my name. I stopped shaking and froze for a moment. Tsukki's arms pulled away.

"Yamaguchi?" He sounded so worried... his hand tried to reach out for me. My eyes shot towards him, my own hand meeting toward his. Instead of taking his hand I wrapped my hand around his index finger, lunging myself forward a bit causing his hand to twist back. I heard him let out a sound of pain and I don't know why I couldn't stop myself or the words that were about to leave my mouth.

"Not leaving." My throats sounded dry but at least it had stoped closing up on me. Kei was shocked, he even looked afraid. I came back to myself and let his finger go, pulling my hand to my chest. I need to control myself better. These feelings are getting out of hand. "I-I-I-I'm s-s-sorry Ts-Tsukki..." I felt my eyes sting. Goddamnit Tadashi don't cry you'll make it worse. You'll make him laugh at you now.

"Tadashi..." I turned my head from his voice. I didn't want to look at him and hear his scolding tone. "Tadashi, look at me." I still... can't look. His hand came up and moved my cheek so I faced him. "I don't intend to go anywhere." He wasn't angry with me. He wasn't upset I tried to hurt him or had a... whatever that was. "Are you okay?"

"I th-think so." My voice was choked up now. The tears couldn't stop themselves now. It wasn't the first time I cried in front of Tsukki, nor the first time I had started shaking that bad. It was the first time I hurt him. I had been prone to shaking when scared or anxious, and crying is just something I do because I'm weak... Tsukki may not look it but ever since we were young and became closer he would help me with whatever these are. He doesn't seem like it but he's.. kind and caring.

His arms wrap around me in a hug. He won't ever do this in public but when I start a freak out he will comfort me like this. Is this one of the reasons why I've become attached? Hah... he smells nice... i mumble sorry under my breath a few times. The oddest feeling of him rolling his eyes struck and I giggled. "Sorry, Tsukki."

"Stop apologizing. You're fine." He moved away. I began to miss his touch, his smell. But I didn't have the courage to pull him closer. "Are you alright now? What happened?" He pet my hair and I looked towards him. His eyes were sparkling and his skin shining. As if he was something far from my reach.

"I got worried you'd ask me to stop bothering you Tsukki." He chuckled and ruffled my hair.

"Dork- if I didn't want you around I would have told you already. C'mon let's get changed before the cocoa dries."

I nod and he helps me stand. No one but me ever sees this side of him. It's a privilege. A blessing.

"Here Yamaguchi." He held out some clothes from my dresser. "Go ahead and get changed." I blinked and stared up. "What?"

"Oh, Uhm, I thought you would... step out..." Tsukishima stared at me and chuckled. I made an awkward giggle.

"Since when did you start caring about changing in front of me?" Oh wow. I break out into a sweat. "I'm kidding, meet me back in the living room when your done."

Okay... I stare at the clothes in my hand and sigh. What to do what to do. Should I tell him I have feelings for him? Should I ask if he likes anyone? Should I ask him to stay here longer? A part of me wants to keep him all to myself... never let him leave and always come home to loving Tsukki. Come home to a submission and always willing to see me, a smile on his face. I hold the clothes close to my chest.

"You're so close but so far away from me." I want to hold his hand. I want to kiss him. I want to own him, make him mine. No one else can have him. I'll do anything to keep him, even from himself.


	11. Girlfriend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's official... I have no idea what I'm doing. What's going on hEYEYEYEY YEY.

I put on the new pants and opened my door, calling out for Tsukki. I walk towards the living room and he's on the couch. He looked tired... or stressed? Angry maybe? He's always hard to read but normally not for me.

"Tsukki." I walk by him and he gives a tiny smile. "I have some sweats if you wanna change into them, you can just throw your jeans in the dryer." My voice felt off, more quiet. Something felt unsettling. "I'm still sorry about earlier..."

"You're fine Tadashi. I'll take you up on the offer." He got off from the couch and walked my way, he walked a little bit past me and I breathed in.

"About your question?" I turned my head towards him. He stopped in the doorway.

"Ah... Yea." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked back at the doorway. My eyes followed where he looked. Nothing seemed out of place. He let out a sigh. "You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend."

My heart stopped for a moment as I noticed the shoes nudged under the cubby. How did he even see those? How could I forget about them? I swallow down the saliva that was building. I had to choose my words carefully, what should I even say. She certainly wasn't my girlfriend but what excuse would I even be able to use?

The shoe size was too small to be my moms. I don't have a sister. I don't have relatives visiting... there was a sliver of hope though... Tsukki didn't know I invited Suzuku to my house so he couldn't connect the dots to me and her missing persons report. He let out another sigh as he stared at the shoes.

"Tsukki... I... it's not what you think, truly." My lips pursed together as he turned back to the hall way and walked towards my room.

"You could have at least told me." He sounded damaged, hurt, misplaced. He went into my room and shut the door to throw on some sweats. I had time to explain myself and all I needed to do was find the words. Say a cousin visited? No wouldn't work. Maybe that they were found in my yard and we brought them inside just in case the owner came looking for them? Hm... sounds too unnatural. Ah I got it!

I swallowed down hard and trailed down the hallway. I breathed in and stood close to the door. Don't panic, sound calm and collected. Make it believable. "Tsukki, can you give me a chance to explain? It's not what you're thinking I can guarantee that... I'll wait on the couch if you want to hear me out." I hold my breath and back away from the door.

He's acting differently from what I expected he would if he ever found out I was 'dating' or even had a relation to romance. Though I feel pretty positive he only sounded hurt because he thinks I'm keep a secret from him. 

Well... I am; but it's to protect him! It's to keep him away from danger. My secret is to keep him here with me, out of danger.

Once he came back out into the living room I took a deep breath in. "Tsukki- I don't have a girlfriend and I doubt I ever want one. You remember about a week ago when my mom had her friends over? One of them had a daughter and my mom thought I'd get along with her but I was sick that day and stayed holed up in my room. It was snowing pretty badly by the time my moms friend had to leave with her daughter. She left her shoes here because she couldn't wear them out into the snow, as luck would have it her mom had a pair of shoes that she could wear in the snow... she just left those ones here." I took a deep breath in and looked up at Tsukki. He had to trust that story. He let out a breath and walked back into the kitchen.

"Want some hot chocolate?" My brows furrowed. He either blew off my story or accepted it as reality. Either way what he had just said represented a 'sorry' of sorts.

"No... the marshmallows are in the cupboard." I hugged my knees and hummed. "Thank you Tsukki." He was in the distance but I could see the smile on his lips.

"Yamaguchi." He paused. "What do you mean by you doubt you'd ever want a girlfriend?"


	12. Too perfect to be true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO BACK
> 
> BACK AGAIN
> 
> YANDERE BACK
> 
> DONT TELL A FRIEND; THEYLL BE DEAD

"What do you mean by you doubt you'd ever want a girlfriend?"

"Ah..." he turned his body towards me. Oh boy. No getting out of this. I laughed nervously and twisted my fingers together. My eyes glued to the floor. Tsukki eventually sighed and I heard the clanking of the dishes. My saliva felt so thick. I don't even know why I said that. I turned my face slowly to where I thought he'd be; my voice stuck in my throats as he came closer.

"I... I... I..." My voice just wouldn't get out. I could feel my insides shaking. This is somthing even I didn't know. Tsukki let out an annoyed sigh.

"We will literally get no where with you being this nervous. You're so horrible with words." My lower lip quivered at the insult. Tsukki plopped down on the couch and looked at me and like earlier his hand brushed against my cheek. "Well if you won't do anything about this then I have no choice." What did that mean?he took his glasses off? Why?

Hhhhnnn????????!!!!!!?

What????

My lips... warm... my skin is flushed. My heart feels like it stopped. My thighs went numb and my ears tingled.

"Tsu....kki?" The space was closed. He... kissed me? Is this... some pathetic kind of dream? Am I delirious? I've actually lost my mind. It was a closed peck on the lips; nearly less than a moment. Could it have even been called a kiss. His face left mine and he leaned his head back and hit his face with his hand that wasn't holding his glasses.

"Why does this have to be so complicated. I can't even tell what I'm feeling and here I am assuming you like me- tch. I can't believe I actually did that." He...

"Kei?" His eye peeked over to me. I could tell I myself was a blushing mess. "I... I said I don't think I wouldn't ever have a girlfriend because... because... you're the only one I can... can see myself with..." my eyes kept moving everywhere but his eyes. Well here we go; it's all or nothing now. All the things I've done for him lead up to now... and his response.

His hand landed on my shoulder and slid to the back of my neck. I looked up and his face was close again. No time to react. It was an actual kiss this time. My lower lip placed between his own. My heart was beating so quickly. If this was a dream I should enjoy it shouldn't I? And if it wasn't I should enjoy it as well. Overcome with happiness I wrapped my arms around him, my chest pushing against him.

We were both new at this kissing thing; we tried to do open mouth but... clinking teeth made Tsukki laugh and curse himself. He had still continued to kiss me. His hands moving to hold my waist or my cheek. My own pulling him closer... all my hard work paid off. I did this all for him. "Tsukki..."

He kissed my cheek, then my jaw, then my neck. I swallowed down. There was no way this was real; it felt too perfect. I whimpered out when I felt him bite into my skin softly. I had no intentions of stopping him. It felt too right.

He started laughing. It was deep and different from before. "Tadashi... Tadashi... ah.... finally..." I flushed and covered my mouth at his words, I thought they were romantic. "After all I've done to protect you... so many people have gotten hurt because I've wanted you."

"Tsukki?" What does he mean... people he's hurt. He moved back and smiled at me. There was a glint in his eye. Something different from what I've seen.

"I just couldn't let him get away after what he did to you..." Tsukki laughed; his hand coming around my neck and squeezing it. "That kid from Nekoma... why'd you invite him over? When no one was home? He didn't leave for hours... he came out wearing different clothes." My brain froze.

"And that damn smile on your face as he left." Tsukki's other hand wrapped around my neck. I couldn't breath let alone ask him what was going on. "How was it? Having an older boy fuck you? I knew I shouldn't have let him go into your home. He took advantage of my Tadashi and took something away from us. The damn greedy bastard... and you let him!" Black dots started appearing in the corner of my eyes as he pushed into my neck more. I choked out something that sounded like his name. Tsukki laughed with his eyes displaying as he came closer to me.

"Don't worry Tadashi... he's not able to take you from me... I won't let anyone else abuse you."

My vision...


	13. COVETOUS (best possible end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definition: having or showing a strong desire for especially material possessions. covetous implies inordinate desire often for another's possessions.
> 
> Ending 1/3
> 
> (I made multiple ending because I was unsure how I wanted this to end. On that note my next project will be a Oikawa x Reader x Kageyama Yandere fic. Stay tuned darlings!)

"Tsukki..." I call out to him. The room was dark but I could see Tsukki's face reflecting the light of his computer. "Tsukki..." I keep calling out to him until he sighs and looks in my direction.

"Yes Tadashi?" His voice is smooth. Even with his tired eyes he looks so handsome. After all these years his maturing face keeps looking more and more beautiful. It's been so long since he took me in like this.

I raise my hands, slowly and shakily. The chains clinging against his bedroom floor. My body is cold as my eyes sting. Bruises and scars from all the times Tsukki showed me his love. "Kei." I nearly cry out for him and he laughs.

"You're so needy, you know?" He takes off his glasses and unbuttons his collar. I love him so much, he is so good to me. He feeds me and hold me and keeps me safe. He keeps me here for only him to love but that's okay because I only love him. Be only loves me... forever...

I'm okay with this.

I love this.

"I love you Tsukki."


	14. AMBIVALENT (Neutral end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definition: having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.
> 
> Ending 2/3
> 
> (I made multiple ending because I was unsure how I wanted this to end. On that note my next project will be a Oikawa x Reader x Kageyama Yandere fic. Stay tuned darlings!)

......

Tadashi is between my palms. His pale throat was lined with a deep purple after I moved my hands away. He looked like an angel. His cute freckles... I had to wipe away the rest of his cover up. He's so perfect and he could never tell. His hair is so soft and smooth.

"Tadashi." I whisper. It was more of a whimper. "Tadashi." I try to speak out again waiting for him to respond to me. "Hah..." my throat feels like it's closing in on me. I lay my head against Tadashi's chest and pull him into an embrace.

He's limp.

He's not as warm as he was.

"Tadashi..." I can't stop the tears now. I never meant to take it this far. It was an accident... I swear I didn't want to do this to you Tadashi. I just wanted you to know how much you hurt me but now... what am I gunna do... "Tadashiiiiiiiii..." my eyes are bawling out now...

I'll join you soon...


	15. FUGUE (True end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definition: A state or period of loss of awareness of one's identity.
> 
> Ending 3/3
> 
> (I made multiple ending because I was unsure how I wanted this to end. On that note my next project will be a Oikawa x Reader x Kageyama Yandere fic. Stay tuned darlings!)

"Tsu-ki..." a choked sob escaped my lungs as my body shivered. It was so cold and lonely down here. I knew he was watching me. "Tsukki." I cried out again as my knees caved in but I didn't fall to the floor. The chains that bound my wrists to the ceiling dangled me, my knees barely touching the basement floor.

"Quiet." He spoke. I bit my lip and tried to stop my sobbing. It's been two months since Tsukki took me here. Apparently it was some sort of storage unit or basement but I didn't know where it was. Tsukki had foraged a letter to my mom explain that I had run away... the police gave up about two weeks ago. Or at least that's what Tsukki said. I don't even know how the team is doing. Though at this point the only thing that matters is how Tsukki is doing.

The tears still poured from my eyes. What was going on outside? I don't think I'll ever know again... Tsukki cleared his threat and my body shook as he approached me. His hand cupped my cheek in a way that could be mistaken for love but it was far from it. His pointer finger went along my neck and eventually reached the puncture wound by my shoulder. His finger pushed into it. I could feel it. My stomach churned and I whimpered.

"You're getting much better at being quite. You're still far from presentable. I won't take you outside until I know you won't let others take advantage of you Tadashi." He hummed and moved his finger out. He brought it to his lips and sucked on his finger. After all I did for him he does this to me... I guess it's karma... He cupped my jaw and squeezed my face.

"Time to rehearse." His smile twisted as he laughed. My body started to convulse at the thought of the retune abuse and grooming. He hurts me... but... why do I... why do I still...

"I love you Tsukki."

"I know Tadashi."


End file.
